MORE love.

Baby number three will be here before we know it, and I am so, so excited.

Excited for a little ball that fits nicely in the crook of one arm.  For baby feet and baby coos, for little fingers that cling, for baby stretches and baby yawns, for a family of five.  Five!

In a way, I am more excited for this little bundle than I was for Abby or Jett.  Abby, being the first, brought a whole bunch of surprises.  And when Jett was born... Well, I was worried.  And I felt guilty.

"Can I handle this?"
"How can I do this to Abby and turn her whole world upside down?"
"I love Abby so much... There's no way I'll love this baby as much."
"This is not fair because I can't be fair!"

But of course my fears were laid to rest in no time, and I was FILLED with love.

And I know the same will be true this time around.  When Jett was born, more love filled my heart and my momma soul, and I expect my love to be multiplied exponentially with this little guy.

I still wonder how we'll move from man to man to zone, and I know we have many sleepy nights and days ahead, but the love I know is coming has me filled to the brim with excitement.

Now just hold on a little bit longer baby boy... We are ready to love you, but Daddy could use just a few more days in the tractor!

Lacee

My sister, Lacee, is a year and ten days younger than me. If you saw us growing up, though, you probably would have thought she was much, much younger. She's always been teeny-tiny.





Don't believe me? One time, we ventured to Mexican Village Restaurant as a family. She was 15, and received the 12 and under kids' menu. Wouldn't have been so bad except that my youngest sister, who was 10 or 11 at the time, got the adult menu. Her nickname is Bean, because she's skinny as a beanpole (I may be mostly responsible for that one...).

Lacee and I fought like sisters.... er, yeah. Lots of yelling, probably over toys. And then I'd sit on her, and she'd call me fat cow (which, compared to her, I really was), and I'm sure we'd end up giving each other the silent treatment. But we shared a room for most of our lives, and come bed time, we let bygones be bygones and played with our stuffed animals, Moonlight and Babs, when we were supposed to be sleeping.

Come middle school, she decided to homeschool, while I stayed with my friends and started wearing wide-leg jeans and flannel shirts. She tells me now that she thought I was going to hell (don't worry, we laugh about it!). Needless to say, we grew a part a little. Maybe because I also slept in the basement during this stint (I was so much more mature and needed my own room).

She didn't really become my best friend until I started high school (and I stopped wearing goth-like clothes). Lacee made it to state in Cross Country (a sport I went out for first), and I wanted to be jealous of her but was just too proud! We were in all 3 sports together that year, and it didn't take long to realize how much I loved having her around. She was so good, and we just sort of let each other have our own niche within each sport... she ran distance, I did mid-distance and fields. She did bars, I did floor and vault, and we both sucked at beam. We built each other up and were one another's biggest fans.

One of the saddest moments in my life was handing off the baton to her in our final 4x400 relay. Would have been sadder if I knew she was going to go to a different college!

We're both married, both have two kids. Still best friends. Love you, Bean.

Dear Abby.

My goodness, do I love you.

You with the stories you tell.  Your active imagination.  Your flair for the dramatic.  The joy you find in people, all people. 

 Your quick smile.  And even if it's hard to answer question after question, I love your inquisitive, curious mind.  You are making sense of the world in your own innocent way, and tell me how things work, or why they are a certain way, or why it doesn't matter, so matter of factly that I believe you. 

You know, don't you Abby Jo.  You know how the world works.  And the world is here for you to make of it what you will, and experience it for all it has to offer.  From the worms we find in the dirt to the music you dance to, even when no one else hears it. 

Your joyful heart will carry you far. 

I love you.  I admire you.  I am so very proud of you. 

W.M.O.T.Y. Part 2.

I am an equally bad-mom with both of my children.

See this cheesey smile?

Abby and Jaedyn, BFFs

Abby's doing exactly what I told her to do. Smile big, show her teeth, and keep her eyes open. In my defense, on our way to dance pictures, Abby was showing me how she planned to pose... which involved her version of half-closed "come-hither" eyes and a close-lipped, trying-to-be-coy smile.

So, this is how my coaching was translated. For every picture. The photographer even took extra pictures of her encourage Abby to show her smile (I guess this look isn't an obvious expression of joy?). And I ordered buttons, magnets, and individual shots.

This will be funny at her graduation, right?

Bah.

[Worst] Mommy of the Year Award.

Jett had an eventful weekend.

See what's missing? After a fun-filled evening at Grandma and Grandpa Nuest's, I hauled reluctant kiddos home. We walked into the house, Jett protesting all the while, and, to get him laughing, I started swinging him around, tickling him, and jumping with him on the couch. I tossed him onto the couch cushion, and he proceeded to bounce off the cushion and nail his mouth (with nuk) into the back of the couch. Wouldn't have been that big a deal had we not removed the back cushions to make forts earlier in the day, but, as it were, hard back of couch hit nuk hit front right tooth, jamming right up into his gum.

A panicked call to Grandma Connie, a quick trip to the ER, and I was assured that he was ok, but we needed to see the dentist this week. So that's where we're headed today.

By the way, if you ask Jett what happened, he'll say, "Mommy throw me." Ugh. Guilt trip.

Back at it.

It's been awhile. Months, even.

It's not that a lot hasn't happened, it's just that I wasn't ready to share what was truly on my heart... like struggles with my job, or my mom moving out. I'm getting ready, though. But more on that later.

Can we talk about how beautiful it is for March 24? We're excepting temps in the 70s today. It's been a happy winter! No feelings of being cooped up and stir crazy. I love having the bikes out, seeing the kids play in the dirt, and trips to the park. Our first trip, on a day where it eeked really close to 80, this scene greeted us:

Abby decided, after her first bike ride, that she wanted to make a go of it without training wheels. So, we let her try (Chad questioned it a bit, but I thought that, if she's asking, we should give it a shot!). We took the training wheels off, Chad grabbed the back seat, and off she went. Or didn't.:) Apparently she thought she could ride a leisurely without training wheels as she could with them on... you know, pedal here and there, stop (with feet on the pedals), point out a bug or something, and then move on at a pace not unlike a stroll in the park.

Chad tries to reason with Abby...

Before we give this a go again, we'll need to work on consistent, reasonable speed.



-------




Even though our month started out like this

We've caught pictures like this

We also welcomed Sundae Mae Watkins, who warms my heart. She looks exactly like Lacee!!

Abby and Vella sporting big sisters shirts... I don't know that Vella's "claimed" her role just yet...

Quotes

One night, Abby was crying at bed time. She wanted to play a computer game/watch a movie/do anything that would delay bed time a little longer. We put her to bed, crying, and not too long after she came to find Chad and myself in our room (we were rearranging).


Abby: What are you doing?


Chad: Moving our bed. Do you want to help? (Abby nods) Ok, you can help us move our bed, then it's time to go to sleep.



Abby: Yay! That's why I was crying Daddy, because I wanted to help you move your bed.



Me: Abby, I think you're full of beans.



Abby: (dead serious) Yeah, I am. Natalie gave them to me for lunch today.



___________________________________________




Me: Abby, Poppa saw your dance movie. He thinks you were so cute.





Abby: I am so cute. (duh)



Me: (trying to think of a way to focus on good character, not just good looks) And you were such a good listener. That's very important too, right?



Abby: (shrugs shoulders)



________________________________________________



Abby: ... Like Bill the Bobber?


Me: You mean Bob the Builder?

Abby: Yep! It's Calvin's favorite tape-on-book.


Me: Book-on-tape?


Abby: No... Colby ripped it and Natalie taped it. Tape-on-book!

One of those nights.

Remember when you were little and you used to picture what motherhood would be like? All those special times you'd treasure forever and ever, because they were so sweet and straight from a storybook? Remember when reality hit you like a sledgehammer and you realized it wouldn't be all peaches 'n cream, and, in fact, the fairytale times would be fewer than the more stressful/obligatory/simply ordinary day-to-day times?

We had one of those evenings yesterday... not the sledgehammer kind... it was a legitimate, straight from the (small town, farm folk) storybook.

Chad and I loaded up the kids and headed to the farm to pick Grandma Connie's garden since she and Grandpa are in Haiti this week. The night was beautiful, the bugs weren't horrible, and the kids were AWESOME in the garden. Not too much mud, lots of fun pickin', and always within eyesight and earshot. That's not even the best part.

As Abby and I were finishing up with the tomatoes, Chad and Jett brought the four-wheeler along and we all hopped on... Jett, Chad, Abby, and me, in that order. We drove around the grove, Kotah sprinting along side to her own personal cheerleaders, and headed to the tree lines behind Grandma Z's house. That's where the magic happened.

Picture a perfectly manicured grove with beautiful trees and the late summer sun beams streaming through as the sun begins to set. Then... you see them. Hundreds of monarch butterflies flying above you as you drive down the row, and you hear your little girl squeal with excitement and your little boy yell and point.

That's when I realized that I made it. I have everything I've ever wanted, and life doesn't get much better.

Here's to the fairytale:).

Turnin' Two.

The little man turns two. TWO.

From a beautiful baby boy...

To a one year old charmer with eyes to melt anyone's heart!

And now officially a toddler.

He's a little boy on his way to manhood. Ok... I exagerate, a little, but it goes so fast! The boy is so much fun. I love to watch him explore, climb, throw, even eat dirt (sometimes). It just goes so fast... I hope I never forget

... the way he runs/gallops

...his "pitching" form

...how my heart melts when he runs yelling "Nomni, Nomni!" when I pick him up from daycare

...the feeling of his head on my shoulders when he's telling me he's ready for bed

...his giggle when his daddy wrestles with him

...his "monkey-see, monkey-do" ways whenever he's with the big sis

...the hundreds of little things that warm my heart that I can't put into words.

I wouldn't change a thing about my baby boy (except maybe get rid of the nuk). Happy birthday Jett-man!

Fantastic conversations/observations, and just general updates

This last weekend goes down as THE best experience I have shared with Abby ever.

We went to Disney Princesses on Ice!

I wish I could have captured everything on video. Abby was excited for days!! (We only bought the tickets a week ahead of time, otherwise she would have been excited for months:)). She dressed the part (princess T-shirt, Tutu, glitter lip gloss), and was a ball of contained energy. Seriously, when Abby is super excited about something, she doesn't bounce off the walls right away... she holds it all in, almost gets a little clingy, but constantly looks around, stutters a little, smiles, laughs... you know she's excited!

We walked into the Target Center, which could have been renamed toddler princess center (plus one mom totally decked out as Snow White... slightly creepy), and Abby's confusion with the mural of basketball players ("But Mooom, where are the princesses??") turned into a 1000 watt smile as soon as we saw the vendors with princess goodies. There were a few displays you could walk by with various Disney scenes, and we snapped a few pics. By this time, AJ's look of confusion started to return... like she thought this was it, this was what we had come for. But... then we took our seats, the lights dimmed, the announcer welcomed us to the show, and TINKERBELL skated out onto the rink. The look on Abby's face was the most beautiful, heartwarming, priceless picture I have ever seen. It was like watching one of her dreams come true right before her eyes, and it brought tears of absolute joy to my eyes.

She sat as her contained little bundle of energy through most of the first half... and then we saw Belle, and Abby literally jumped out of her seat, bounced around, exclaimed that her favorite princess was here, and from that point on, her butt hardly occupied her seat!

Then, the other night, I tucked her in, we sang a couple songs, and then Abby looked at me and said, "Mom, can we talk about rainbows?" A little surprised, I said "Sure!?", and she proceeded to tell me, "Because they're in the sky, and then it's raining, and they have orange and red and blue, and then the people take them out, and I don't know why. I don't know where they go. Where are the rainbows?" I'm not entirely sure how I responded, but whatever I said satisfied her, and she was asleep shortly thereafter!

Jett-man... still no words, really, but I feel like we're getting closer and closer... Rather than learn verbal skills, he is spending his down time perfecting his jump shot. He shoots at his 3.5 foot hoop from 3 feet away! It's pretty funny/amazing to watch, but our luck, he'll become a wrestler:). One of Grandma Connie's co-workers saw Jett the other day and commented on his big hands (??) and how he'll be a great swimmer.... we'll see... he won't get that genetically!

He's also a crazy, crazy boy. Climbing, jumping, running into things. Actually, not running... very rarely does he actually run or walk. It's more of a skip/gallop, depending on how fast he wants to get from point A to point B!

We are gearing up for our first legit family vacation. Florida in 2 weeks! It'll be great family time, and I'm pretty excited for the beach and the pool, not to mention sunshine, flip flops and skirts!

"Am I a nice girl?"

Ever since Chad and I returned from a week long vacation last Wednesday, we've been in kid-reprogram mode. Back to working on weening Jett from his nuk, back to getting Abby to listen the first time...

Jett's been ok, but Abby's been quite the handful. Lots of time outs, lots of discussions, little patience on Mommy and Daddy's part...we even missed ECFE (which she LOVES, and we haven't been to for a month due to weather/vacation) Tuesday night because she refused to eat her supper. I thought that was tough (it really broke her heart not to go) and that maaaaybe she was starting to understand the need to listen and that we had reached the peak of the problems.

Then Wednesday night happened.

Let me first say that my kids were AMAZING all day on Wednesday. We took a trip to Alex, shopped at Target AND Walmart, and I didn't feel the need to throw my arms up in surrender, leave a full cart behind, and high-tail it to the car with two screaming toddlers. Nope... my kiddos were awesome. They listened, squirmed very little, a got along fantastically almost the whole time.

But Wednesday night was a whole different story for little Abby Jo. We went to the basketball games up at UMM... made it to the second half of the girls game and planned to stay through the first half of the boys game. As soon as we walked in the doors to the gym, Abby's ears turned off. One of her best friends was there, so I figured it had more to do with the atmosphere, but just got worse and worse as the night progressed. My tipping point was when I brought Abby and her friend to the potty during the first half of the boys' game. She was done doing her stuff, and I went in the bathroom to help wipe, and the craziest freak out I've seen ensued. I mean, she was just crazy! "I'm not done, I want to lock the door, then you come in, don't wipe, I'm done, don't wipe, get out, I want to lock the door, I need to wash my hands..." please hear the high pitched, inperceivable, toddler crying/screaming in this statement of pure craziness.

So, I did something I very rarely do and spanked Abby on her bare butt. It brought her back to reality, led to quite a few tears, but, of course, did not improve her listening skills for the night, and shortly after we headed on home.

I was extremely frustrated. We pulled in the driveway, and Abby started putting up a fight again. I raised my voice with her & was very firm, which quieted her down... but as I went to carry her out of the car, she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I'm not naughty."

Oh man... thinking on the last few hours of the night, I wanted to clarify this for her and speak totally out of emotion. But, Jett was half asleep in his seat and I didn't want to wake him. So, I told her she had not been a good listener, which was very naughty, but that we would talk about it after I put her brother to bed.

After tucking Jett in bed and battling Abby to put on her pajamas (seriously, longest night ever!), I put her on my lap and held her close and gave her the no nonsense tone of voice, complete with eye contact:

"Abby, you are not a naughty girl, you are a good girl, and Mommy loves you very, very much. But, some of the things you did tonight were naughty things, like when you didn't listen..."

We talked about being a good girl, and what it meant to listen, and Abby really seemed to get it. It was a good way to end a long day. Then, as I was tucking her in and turning on her night light, Abby, with tears in her eyes, asked, "Mommy, am I a nice girl?"

Oh my sweet Abby Jo. Talk about a heartbreaker. I had never been so glad that I had followed the prompting in my heart, put my exhaustion and frustrations to the side, and talked with Abby about how she was a good girl, but her actions were naughty. Also, I was so thankful that Abby had actually let me hold her and listened quietly while we were talking, especially after four hours of not listening to anything anyone said! It made it a lot easier to answer her without worrying about contradicting anything I had said earlier. It was really nice to end the night with, "Yes, you are a very nice girl, Sweetheart, and I love you very much" which was received with a nod & smile from my little girl.

What a wonderful Wednesday it was, afterall.

Why I believe. Part 1.

I believe because without a Creator, I have no purpose.





Do you know what it feels like to be an "accident"? I do. If you think about the fact that my parents were married in March of '83 and I was born in September of '83 (full term, mind you), it only takes a little math to realize I was not only unplanned, but that I brought on a "change of plans". This isn't uncommon, I know, but when your parents have struggled in their marriage and your mom has even gone so far to tell you that your dad is not her soul mate, that he wasn't the one she was supposed to marry, you start to question the role you played in bringing them together and even why you're here.





I thought about this often in my life, from early on and throughout most of college.





I had heard all the lines when I was growing up... God knows the hairs on my head, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, etc, but, it didn't hit home until my senior year of college when I was reading "The Purpose Driven Life" and came across Rick Warren's line:





"You were created by God and for God, and until you realize that, nothing in this world will make sense."





This statement brought all of those "lines" home for me. I was no accident. God created me. Everything I am, every trait I was given, was on purpose. I am exactly what God intended as a friend, daughter, sister, wife & mother.





And, furthermore, I was created for God. Do you see the future in that three letter word? God has a plan, a plan for me. I have a destiny, I have things I gotta do, I have races to run and the good fight to fight. I will serve a purpose for Him, the Almighty God! Little old me. Amazing.





I was in a very dark place in my life when I finally came to this realization. I know what it did for me, and my heart breaks for those who don't realize that they were created, they are purposeful, there is a reason they are here.





I am created. I am here on purpose.

Three years ago today.

Little Miss Abby was born at 8:48 on Thursday, Jan 3. She was 5 lb, 4 oz, 19 in long and was the most beautiful creation I'd ever seen.

I remember the couple weeks leading up to her birth very well. Excitement, discomfort, anxiety, hope, and not a whole lot of patience (my first post on this blog was on Jan 2, 2008... I think my mood was pretty evident:)). But, when she decided she was ready to show up, I felt like the whole world stopped.... and in a way, it did.

The world, my world, changed. The old one disappeared, and the new one seemed to turn in an entirely different direction.

This world brought new perspectives, fears, pains, joys, hopes, and a more beautiful love.

Everything was more meaningful. Everything mattered.

It's amazing how a little baby, not even six pounds, can have such a profound impact.... and even more amazing is that she continues to modify my world every single day.

I love my Abby Jo. I am so thankful for her tender heart, her motherly tendencies, her one liners, her laugh, and, yes, even her sassiness. But, most of all, I treasure her complete, absolute, genuine joy in everyday things. She is the most beautiful girl I know.

Happy Birthday to My Sweet Abby Jo! I love you!

Why I don't want to be a good person.

Too much pressure.

Ok, ok, I'll preface.

I come face to face with the argument "I'm not worried about what happens after death, I'm a good person" on a pretty regular basis. Sometimes it's a discussion I have with myself about people I know, sometimes it's a discussion with another person.

Who wouldn't want to believe that all good people go to heaven? I sure do. But that doesn't make it believable... not because it shouldn't be true, but because of that word... GOOD. It's quite problematic.

First of all, who defines what it is to be "good"?

I think we can pretty much agree that it's impossible to be 100% good all the time. So how much good are we talking here? The mathematician in me says at least 50% good must be required, as that would round up to completely good. So then, what would be the difference between a person who is 49% good versus 50% good? One more dollar in the Salvation Army Ringer's tin bucket?

And what if you just happen to pass away when you're not at a particularly good point in your life? Like say today, you're only 49% good, but tomorrow you were going to decide to donate all your worldly goods to the needy, but too bad you pass away tonight and didn't get to do that.

On top of that... who decides what it means to be a good person? I think most people who know me would say I'm a "give the person the benefit of the doubt" kinda girl and would say that most people I meet are pretty good people. But I know of plenty of people who don't share my feelings and wouldn't consider the same person "good" that I would. Who's opinion matters? And do you need to consider yourself a good person as well, or is that considered prideful, and hence not good, so you need to think of yourself as not good to be considered good?

I think you can see the problem here.

It's impossible to define "good" in such a way to concretely determine someone's eternity... to know exactly "where they will go" after death. It is, actually, quite possible, and quite simple, to know one's fate with faith in Christ. I think a lot of the issue may actually come with the fact that it seems too simple, too inclusive. "So, you're saying I just need to believe Christ died for my sins, and my fate is sealed?" Well, in a word, absolutely. But, with true faith, with a genuine relationship with the God who created you, the Son who died for you & the father who gave Him to us, and the Spirit that fills us with purpose, belief, reassurance, love, patience, etc etc, comes the desire to be good, to be Christ-like, and, yes, the guilt you feel when you do something you know is not good.

So, for me, I don't want to rely on my "goodness" to get me through this life and into heaven. No... I'll live by faith, and trust my convictions, my feelings, and my Lord to lead me to be "good" in the eyes of others. And not that that's always easy, but at least I'm never alone.

**Now, I try to look at this post from a non-believer's perspective, or someone who once believed has since turned away, and I do see where questsions come up, doubts arise, anger/frustration/bad feelings/you know what I'm saying.... I do try to look at every issue from as many perspectives as I can, and learn more about other perspectives so I can answer those questions myself. I'm still searching, but that's a part of faith that, while I have difficulty accepting sometimes, I also feel secure in the fact that I don't need to have all of the answers either. That being said... maybe we'll address questions one by one in later posts? We'll see!

Christmas Card Fail.

CC Fail #1:
Christmas cards are not a big deal in my family.

I don't remember getting Christmas cards when I was younger. I'm sure we did receive some, but they weren't displayed (sorry to those who took the time to sign, address, stamp, and seal each card) until... goodness... late high school? Early college?

Eh... it was no big deal.

And then I got married. Our first Christmas was a blur (we were married 3 days before, afterall), but I do remember someone saying that we were included on the in-laws Christmas card, so no big deal this year. Then, right around our first Thanksgiving together, my husband asked if I was going to send out a card this year. I remember giving him a bit of a look, probably a long the lines of "Why would we do that??", and saying I didn't think we needed to (in my defense, I WAS 8 months pregnant).

Then, sure enough, that first week of December, the Christmas cards starting ROLLING IN. Couples, families, extended families... pretty much everyone in Morris & Hancock, and one from my Grandma Rae.

Needless to say, I've sent out a Christmas card every year since then, and Chad and I even had a snap shot on this year's! I actually really like doing it, and I love getting the cards most of all.

CC Fail #2:
OK, so Chad wants to do a Christmas letter. He's brought it up in the past, but my goodness... one thing at a time! We thought we'd give it a legitimate effort this year. I made the first attempt, but was stopped mid paragraph when Chad said, "I don't want it to be a brag letter... nothing like 'Abby turned two this year and likes Dora, princesses, and horsies...'" My first paragraph, I kid you not, was pretty much exactly that. Chad, instead, thought it would be best to come up with a "top ten" list for the year. We got to 6 things that we thought other people would find interesting... which took up maybe 1/3rd of a page when double spaced.

To make a long story short.... no Christmas letter this year! But... I do want to keep track of the things I loved this year, so here are the Nuest's top 6!

*Abby potty trained in just a matter of days.
*As a result of Abby's potty success, Sally-a-Tiger Nuest joined the family in August (that's what happens when you let a 2 year old name your kitty).
*Dakotah has run away on the 3 coldest days of the year, but never on a summer day. She's come back on her own twice!
*Jett has a ridiculous amount of teeth and hasn't stopped drooling since he was born.
*We've been constantly entertained with "Abby-isms": "Her's a nice girl, mom" (I've never heard her say 'she'!), "Oh hi sweetheart!" as she hugs her kitty when we get home, lots and lots of singing, and "I tooted!" in the middle of Mommy's staff meeting.
*Jett-man doesn't say much, besides "Uh-oh", which, if you've spent even an hour with him, you realize just how appropriate this phase is for our busy busy busy little boy!

Merry Christmas:)

Leaving. Coming Home. Lessons learned.

I just returned from a 4-day trip to St. Louis for a conference. I was away from my family for 4 nights, the longest I've ever been away from my kiddos.

The night before I left, I cuddled my kids a little longer, read Abby an extra book, and did my best not to let the little things that normally bother me get on my nerves (like when Abby asks for ANOTHER treat... my answer didn't change, but my tone did).

Luckily, I stayed pretty busy, time went by quickly, and the kids had a great time at Grandma Connie's.

When I got home, both kids were sleeping, so I got to get both of them as soon as they woke up. Abby started calling for Daddy, and I went up to get her.

Imagine my surprise when I saw that she had grown at least 3 inches, her face had thinned out, and she spoke in coherent, grammatically correct sentences. And Jett, when he woke up, had also grown up and out and his hair was thick, dark, and in need of a trim.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite that dramatic, but during my time away, my thoughts reverted to my "babies" back home, and not my growing children. As wonderful as these experiences are, is it bad that I don't want to let go of the baby perspective I have of my kids? I'm excited to watch them grow, see them change, develop, learn new things, but I also want to hang on to what they are now... their mannerisms, their neediness, their desire to cuddle. Parenthood is such an interesting conflict of dreams, hopes, desires, and memories. Wanting one thing, excited for another. Sadness at the passing stages (putting away newborn clothes), happiness for the benchmarks achieved (new words, potty training!!). I guess I always new parenting would bring on an influx of emotions, but I assumed all would be joyous, with a few, temporary frustrations along the way. I never realized the my kids would bring happy sadness... because I'm not really all that sad, and with the sadness comes absolute joy, peace, happiness. It's difficult to explain, but wonderful to experience.

It's amazing what some time away allows you to realize... not only the thoughts I've shared above, but also, the night before I left, I wondered why I didn't take the same approach every night of the week. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I spent more intentional time with the kids, cuddling, playing, and reading books, and really thought about how I wanted to let something affect me. Like when Jett would approach me with his arms up as I'm trying to wash the dishes. Is it really a big deal to put my dishes on hold and pick up my little boy? Or Abby asking for another book before bed... I can spare the five minutes, right? But under usual circumstances, I'm trying to get a certain task accomplished in a certain time frame, so that task usually takes priority over my child's request. Even though my chore may only take a few more seconds, what message am I sending my kids, and even myself?

Just some food for thought, things to consider for the future. Much easier said than done, of course, but a good reminder that there's always room for improvement and that's what makes a good mom- one who knows they always have more to learn!

Inspiration for today.

"Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer; answer me, for I need your help.
Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me, for I serve you and trust
you. You are my God. Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am calling on you
constantly. Give me happiness, O Lord, for I give myself to you. O Lord, you
are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask
for your help. Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord; hear my urgent cry. I
will call to you whenever I'm in trouble, and you will answer me. No pagan
god is like you, O Lord. None can do what you do! All the nations you made
will come and bow before you, Lord; they will praise your holy name. For you
are great and perform wonderful deeds. You alone are God. Teach me your
ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of
heart, so that I may honor you. With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord
my God. I will give glory to your name forever, for your love for me is
very great. You have rescued me from the depths of death."

Psalm 86: 1-13

The power of laughter.

I laugh at my babies every day. They're just so cute, and so smart, and absolutely hilarious. One of the things I didn't do very well when I was growing up was laugh at myself. I was very, very hard on myself and expected nothing less than perfection in all I did. So... I try to laugh rather than get frustrated when my children make a silly mistake and encourage them to laugh along. Like, when Abby tries to put her pants on by herself and puts both legs in one pant leg... 3 times in a row. Or when Jett is swinging his plastic bat and knocks himself in the head. I'm hoping that when they're older, as they're striving to do their best and things don't go exactly as planned, they're able to shrug it off, learn, and move on.

We laugh a lot in our crazy house... :)

And now, a story.

Abby loves to sing, but not usually by herself. She needs you to start, and then she'll mumble most of the words along with you.

Yesterday, Abby started singing her own song:

"Jesus loves me, yes I know... And I love Jesus!"

Cutest thing ever. I know she'll learn the rest of "Jesus Loves Me" eventually, but I kind of don't want her to. I like her version, and her melody.

I was driving the little ones home from the farm later that night, and Abby asked me to sing her Jesus song with her. So, I did. She "sang" along of course, and when we made it through the verse and chorus, she said "Nice job Mommy!" (she's the only one who ever said I sing well!), started singing by herself again, paused, and said "Mommy, I love that song. Do you love it too? I really love that song."

Now, it's a pretty new song for AJ to sing. Usually she chooses ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle, Old McDonald, or Jingle Bells (yep, you read right). So I was caught a little off-guard with her statement. I don't think I've ever heard her say she "loves" a song... so what is it about JLM?

Part of me likes to think that her heart and soul already know her Jesus, and she knows what it is to love and be loved. The other part of me KNOWS that this is indeed the case. What a wonderful God we serve!

Starting back up!

A few of my friends have started blogging. I love reading their stories, but what I love most of all is the record they're keeping. I hope their children enjoy reading momma's stories when they're older! I've been keeping a paper journal for my kiddos, but haven't been very good at it... maybe an online journal will be an easier way to share stories with my kiddos later in life. And let's be honest... my memory gets a bit worse each year, especially the bigger my family becomes. It'll be nice to have something to remind me of all the joys and events that come along! Here goes!!