I just returned from a 4-day trip to St. Louis for a conference. I was away from my family for 4 nights, the longest I've ever been away from my kiddos.
The night before I left, I cuddled my kids a little longer, read Abby an extra book, and did my best not to let the little things that normally bother me get on my nerves (like when Abby asks for ANOTHER treat... my answer didn't change, but my tone did).
Luckily, I stayed pretty busy, time went by quickly, and the kids had a great time at Grandma Connie's.
When I got home, both kids were sleeping, so I got to get both of them as soon as they woke up. Abby started calling for Daddy, and I went up to get her.
Imagine my surprise when I saw that she had grown at least 3 inches, her face had thinned out, and she spoke in coherent, grammatically correct sentences. And Jett, when he woke up, had also grown up and out and his hair was thick, dark, and in need of a trim.
Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite that dramatic, but during my time away, my thoughts reverted to my "babies" back home, and not my growing children. As wonderful as these experiences are, is it bad that I don't want to let go of the baby perspective I have of my kids? I'm excited to watch them grow, see them change, develop, learn new things, but I also want to hang on to what they are now... their mannerisms, their neediness, their desire to cuddle. Parenthood is such an interesting conflict of dreams, hopes, desires, and memories. Wanting one thing, excited for another. Sadness at the passing stages (putting away newborn clothes), happiness for the benchmarks achieved (new words, potty training!!). I guess I always new parenting would bring on an influx of emotions, but I assumed all would be joyous, with a few, temporary frustrations along the way. I never realized the my kids would bring happy sadness... because I'm not really all that sad, and with the sadness comes absolute joy, peace, happiness. It's difficult to explain, but wonderful to experience.
It's amazing what some time away allows you to realize... not only the thoughts I've shared above, but also, the night before I left, I wondered why I didn't take the same approach every night of the week. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I spent more intentional time with the kids, cuddling, playing, and reading books, and really thought about how I wanted to let something affect me. Like when Jett would approach me with his arms up as I'm trying to wash the dishes. Is it really a big deal to put my dishes on hold and pick up my little boy? Or Abby asking for another book before bed... I can spare the five minutes, right? But under usual circumstances, I'm trying to get a certain task accomplished in a certain time frame, so that task usually takes priority over my child's request. Even though my chore may only take a few more seconds, what message am I sending my kids, and even myself?
Just some food for thought, things to consider for the future. Much easier said than done, of course, but a good reminder that there's always room for improvement and that's what makes a good mom- one who knows they always have more to learn!
2 comments:
You couldn't have put it any better! Motherhood is full of emotions like you said and an awesome experience! Your a great writer!
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