Why I don't want to be a good person.

Too much pressure.

Ok, ok, I'll preface.

I come face to face with the argument "I'm not worried about what happens after death, I'm a good person" on a pretty regular basis. Sometimes it's a discussion I have with myself about people I know, sometimes it's a discussion with another person.

Who wouldn't want to believe that all good people go to heaven? I sure do. But that doesn't make it believable... not because it shouldn't be true, but because of that word... GOOD. It's quite problematic.

First of all, who defines what it is to be "good"?

I think we can pretty much agree that it's impossible to be 100% good all the time. So how much good are we talking here? The mathematician in me says at least 50% good must be required, as that would round up to completely good. So then, what would be the difference between a person who is 49% good versus 50% good? One more dollar in the Salvation Army Ringer's tin bucket?

And what if you just happen to pass away when you're not at a particularly good point in your life? Like say today, you're only 49% good, but tomorrow you were going to decide to donate all your worldly goods to the needy, but too bad you pass away tonight and didn't get to do that.

On top of that... who decides what it means to be a good person? I think most people who know me would say I'm a "give the person the benefit of the doubt" kinda girl and would say that most people I meet are pretty good people. But I know of plenty of people who don't share my feelings and wouldn't consider the same person "good" that I would. Who's opinion matters? And do you need to consider yourself a good person as well, or is that considered prideful, and hence not good, so you need to think of yourself as not good to be considered good?

I think you can see the problem here.

It's impossible to define "good" in such a way to concretely determine someone's eternity... to know exactly "where they will go" after death. It is, actually, quite possible, and quite simple, to know one's fate with faith in Christ. I think a lot of the issue may actually come with the fact that it seems too simple, too inclusive. "So, you're saying I just need to believe Christ died for my sins, and my fate is sealed?" Well, in a word, absolutely. But, with true faith, with a genuine relationship with the God who created you, the Son who died for you & the father who gave Him to us, and the Spirit that fills us with purpose, belief, reassurance, love, patience, etc etc, comes the desire to be good, to be Christ-like, and, yes, the guilt you feel when you do something you know is not good.

So, for me, I don't want to rely on my "goodness" to get me through this life and into heaven. No... I'll live by faith, and trust my convictions, my feelings, and my Lord to lead me to be "good" in the eyes of others. And not that that's always easy, but at least I'm never alone.

**Now, I try to look at this post from a non-believer's perspective, or someone who once believed has since turned away, and I do see where questsions come up, doubts arise, anger/frustration/bad feelings/you know what I'm saying.... I do try to look at every issue from as many perspectives as I can, and learn more about other perspectives so I can answer those questions myself. I'm still searching, but that's a part of faith that, while I have difficulty accepting sometimes, I also feel secure in the fact that I don't need to have all of the answers either. That being said... maybe we'll address questions one by one in later posts? We'll see!

Christmas Card Fail.

CC Fail #1:
Christmas cards are not a big deal in my family.

I don't remember getting Christmas cards when I was younger. I'm sure we did receive some, but they weren't displayed (sorry to those who took the time to sign, address, stamp, and seal each card) until... goodness... late high school? Early college?

Eh... it was no big deal.

And then I got married. Our first Christmas was a blur (we were married 3 days before, afterall), but I do remember someone saying that we were included on the in-laws Christmas card, so no big deal this year. Then, right around our first Thanksgiving together, my husband asked if I was going to send out a card this year. I remember giving him a bit of a look, probably a long the lines of "Why would we do that??", and saying I didn't think we needed to (in my defense, I WAS 8 months pregnant).

Then, sure enough, that first week of December, the Christmas cards starting ROLLING IN. Couples, families, extended families... pretty much everyone in Morris & Hancock, and one from my Grandma Rae.

Needless to say, I've sent out a Christmas card every year since then, and Chad and I even had a snap shot on this year's! I actually really like doing it, and I love getting the cards most of all.

CC Fail #2:
OK, so Chad wants to do a Christmas letter. He's brought it up in the past, but my goodness... one thing at a time! We thought we'd give it a legitimate effort this year. I made the first attempt, but was stopped mid paragraph when Chad said, "I don't want it to be a brag letter... nothing like 'Abby turned two this year and likes Dora, princesses, and horsies...'" My first paragraph, I kid you not, was pretty much exactly that. Chad, instead, thought it would be best to come up with a "top ten" list for the year. We got to 6 things that we thought other people would find interesting... which took up maybe 1/3rd of a page when double spaced.

To make a long story short.... no Christmas letter this year! But... I do want to keep track of the things I loved this year, so here are the Nuest's top 6!

*Abby potty trained in just a matter of days.
*As a result of Abby's potty success, Sally-a-Tiger Nuest joined the family in August (that's what happens when you let a 2 year old name your kitty).
*Dakotah has run away on the 3 coldest days of the year, but never on a summer day. She's come back on her own twice!
*Jett has a ridiculous amount of teeth and hasn't stopped drooling since he was born.
*We've been constantly entertained with "Abby-isms": "Her's a nice girl, mom" (I've never heard her say 'she'!), "Oh hi sweetheart!" as she hugs her kitty when we get home, lots and lots of singing, and "I tooted!" in the middle of Mommy's staff meeting.
*Jett-man doesn't say much, besides "Uh-oh", which, if you've spent even an hour with him, you realize just how appropriate this phase is for our busy busy busy little boy!

Merry Christmas:)

Leaving. Coming Home. Lessons learned.

I just returned from a 4-day trip to St. Louis for a conference. I was away from my family for 4 nights, the longest I've ever been away from my kiddos.

The night before I left, I cuddled my kids a little longer, read Abby an extra book, and did my best not to let the little things that normally bother me get on my nerves (like when Abby asks for ANOTHER treat... my answer didn't change, but my tone did).

Luckily, I stayed pretty busy, time went by quickly, and the kids had a great time at Grandma Connie's.

When I got home, both kids were sleeping, so I got to get both of them as soon as they woke up. Abby started calling for Daddy, and I went up to get her.

Imagine my surprise when I saw that she had grown at least 3 inches, her face had thinned out, and she spoke in coherent, grammatically correct sentences. And Jett, when he woke up, had also grown up and out and his hair was thick, dark, and in need of a trim.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite that dramatic, but during my time away, my thoughts reverted to my "babies" back home, and not my growing children. As wonderful as these experiences are, is it bad that I don't want to let go of the baby perspective I have of my kids? I'm excited to watch them grow, see them change, develop, learn new things, but I also want to hang on to what they are now... their mannerisms, their neediness, their desire to cuddle. Parenthood is such an interesting conflict of dreams, hopes, desires, and memories. Wanting one thing, excited for another. Sadness at the passing stages (putting away newborn clothes), happiness for the benchmarks achieved (new words, potty training!!). I guess I always new parenting would bring on an influx of emotions, but I assumed all would be joyous, with a few, temporary frustrations along the way. I never realized the my kids would bring happy sadness... because I'm not really all that sad, and with the sadness comes absolute joy, peace, happiness. It's difficult to explain, but wonderful to experience.

It's amazing what some time away allows you to realize... not only the thoughts I've shared above, but also, the night before I left, I wondered why I didn't take the same approach every night of the week. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I spent more intentional time with the kids, cuddling, playing, and reading books, and really thought about how I wanted to let something affect me. Like when Jett would approach me with his arms up as I'm trying to wash the dishes. Is it really a big deal to put my dishes on hold and pick up my little boy? Or Abby asking for another book before bed... I can spare the five minutes, right? But under usual circumstances, I'm trying to get a certain task accomplished in a certain time frame, so that task usually takes priority over my child's request. Even though my chore may only take a few more seconds, what message am I sending my kids, and even myself?

Just some food for thought, things to consider for the future. Much easier said than done, of course, but a good reminder that there's always room for improvement and that's what makes a good mom- one who knows they always have more to learn!

Inspiration for today.

"Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer; answer me, for I need your help.
Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me, for I serve you and trust
you. You are my God. Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am calling on you
constantly. Give me happiness, O Lord, for I give myself to you. O Lord, you
are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask
for your help. Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord; hear my urgent cry. I
will call to you whenever I'm in trouble, and you will answer me. No pagan
god is like you, O Lord. None can do what you do! All the nations you made
will come and bow before you, Lord; they will praise your holy name. For you
are great and perform wonderful deeds. You alone are God. Teach me your
ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of
heart, so that I may honor you. With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord
my God. I will give glory to your name forever, for your love for me is
very great. You have rescued me from the depths of death."

Psalm 86: 1-13

The power of laughter.

I laugh at my babies every day. They're just so cute, and so smart, and absolutely hilarious. One of the things I didn't do very well when I was growing up was laugh at myself. I was very, very hard on myself and expected nothing less than perfection in all I did. So... I try to laugh rather than get frustrated when my children make a silly mistake and encourage them to laugh along. Like, when Abby tries to put her pants on by herself and puts both legs in one pant leg... 3 times in a row. Or when Jett is swinging his plastic bat and knocks himself in the head. I'm hoping that when they're older, as they're striving to do their best and things don't go exactly as planned, they're able to shrug it off, learn, and move on.

We laugh a lot in our crazy house... :)

And now, a story.

Abby loves to sing, but not usually by herself. She needs you to start, and then she'll mumble most of the words along with you.

Yesterday, Abby started singing her own song:

"Jesus loves me, yes I know... And I love Jesus!"

Cutest thing ever. I know she'll learn the rest of "Jesus Loves Me" eventually, but I kind of don't want her to. I like her version, and her melody.

I was driving the little ones home from the farm later that night, and Abby asked me to sing her Jesus song with her. So, I did. She "sang" along of course, and when we made it through the verse and chorus, she said "Nice job Mommy!" (she's the only one who ever said I sing well!), started singing by herself again, paused, and said "Mommy, I love that song. Do you love it too? I really love that song."

Now, it's a pretty new song for AJ to sing. Usually she chooses ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle, Old McDonald, or Jingle Bells (yep, you read right). So I was caught a little off-guard with her statement. I don't think I've ever heard her say she "loves" a song... so what is it about JLM?

Part of me likes to think that her heart and soul already know her Jesus, and she knows what it is to love and be loved. The other part of me KNOWS that this is indeed the case. What a wonderful God we serve!

Starting back up!

A few of my friends have started blogging. I love reading their stories, but what I love most of all is the record they're keeping. I hope their children enjoy reading momma's stories when they're older! I've been keeping a paper journal for my kiddos, but haven't been very good at it... maybe an online journal will be an easier way to share stories with my kiddos later in life. And let's be honest... my memory gets a bit worse each year, especially the bigger my family becomes. It'll be nice to have something to remind me of all the joys and events that come along! Here goes!!