Leaving. Coming Home. Lessons learned.

I just returned from a 4-day trip to St. Louis for a conference. I was away from my family for 4 nights, the longest I've ever been away from my kiddos.

The night before I left, I cuddled my kids a little longer, read Abby an extra book, and did my best not to let the little things that normally bother me get on my nerves (like when Abby asks for ANOTHER treat... my answer didn't change, but my tone did).

Luckily, I stayed pretty busy, time went by quickly, and the kids had a great time at Grandma Connie's.

When I got home, both kids were sleeping, so I got to get both of them as soon as they woke up. Abby started calling for Daddy, and I went up to get her.

Imagine my surprise when I saw that she had grown at least 3 inches, her face had thinned out, and she spoke in coherent, grammatically correct sentences. And Jett, when he woke up, had also grown up and out and his hair was thick, dark, and in need of a trim.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite that dramatic, but during my time away, my thoughts reverted to my "babies" back home, and not my growing children. As wonderful as these experiences are, is it bad that I don't want to let go of the baby perspective I have of my kids? I'm excited to watch them grow, see them change, develop, learn new things, but I also want to hang on to what they are now... their mannerisms, their neediness, their desire to cuddle. Parenthood is such an interesting conflict of dreams, hopes, desires, and memories. Wanting one thing, excited for another. Sadness at the passing stages (putting away newborn clothes), happiness for the benchmarks achieved (new words, potty training!!). I guess I always new parenting would bring on an influx of emotions, but I assumed all would be joyous, with a few, temporary frustrations along the way. I never realized the my kids would bring happy sadness... because I'm not really all that sad, and with the sadness comes absolute joy, peace, happiness. It's difficult to explain, but wonderful to experience.

It's amazing what some time away allows you to realize... not only the thoughts I've shared above, but also, the night before I left, I wondered why I didn't take the same approach every night of the week. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I spent more intentional time with the kids, cuddling, playing, and reading books, and really thought about how I wanted to let something affect me. Like when Jett would approach me with his arms up as I'm trying to wash the dishes. Is it really a big deal to put my dishes on hold and pick up my little boy? Or Abby asking for another book before bed... I can spare the five minutes, right? But under usual circumstances, I'm trying to get a certain task accomplished in a certain time frame, so that task usually takes priority over my child's request. Even though my chore may only take a few more seconds, what message am I sending my kids, and even myself?

Just some food for thought, things to consider for the future. Much easier said than done, of course, but a good reminder that there's always room for improvement and that's what makes a good mom- one who knows they always have more to learn!

Inspiration for today.

"Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer; answer me, for I need your help.
Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me, for I serve you and trust
you. You are my God. Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am calling on you
constantly. Give me happiness, O Lord, for I give myself to you. O Lord, you
are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask
for your help. Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord; hear my urgent cry. I
will call to you whenever I'm in trouble, and you will answer me. No pagan
god is like you, O Lord. None can do what you do! All the nations you made
will come and bow before you, Lord; they will praise your holy name. For you
are great and perform wonderful deeds. You alone are God. Teach me your
ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of
heart, so that I may honor you. With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord
my God. I will give glory to your name forever, for your love for me is
very great. You have rescued me from the depths of death."

Psalm 86: 1-13

The power of laughter.

I laugh at my babies every day. They're just so cute, and so smart, and absolutely hilarious. One of the things I didn't do very well when I was growing up was laugh at myself. I was very, very hard on myself and expected nothing less than perfection in all I did. So... I try to laugh rather than get frustrated when my children make a silly mistake and encourage them to laugh along. Like, when Abby tries to put her pants on by herself and puts both legs in one pant leg... 3 times in a row. Or when Jett is swinging his plastic bat and knocks himself in the head. I'm hoping that when they're older, as they're striving to do their best and things don't go exactly as planned, they're able to shrug it off, learn, and move on.

We laugh a lot in our crazy house... :)

And now, a story.

Abby loves to sing, but not usually by herself. She needs you to start, and then she'll mumble most of the words along with you.

Yesterday, Abby started singing her own song:

"Jesus loves me, yes I know... And I love Jesus!"

Cutest thing ever. I know she'll learn the rest of "Jesus Loves Me" eventually, but I kind of don't want her to. I like her version, and her melody.

I was driving the little ones home from the farm later that night, and Abby asked me to sing her Jesus song with her. So, I did. She "sang" along of course, and when we made it through the verse and chorus, she said "Nice job Mommy!" (she's the only one who ever said I sing well!), started singing by herself again, paused, and said "Mommy, I love that song. Do you love it too? I really love that song."

Now, it's a pretty new song for AJ to sing. Usually she chooses ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle, Old McDonald, or Jingle Bells (yep, you read right). So I was caught a little off-guard with her statement. I don't think I've ever heard her say she "loves" a song... so what is it about JLM?

Part of me likes to think that her heart and soul already know her Jesus, and she knows what it is to love and be loved. The other part of me KNOWS that this is indeed the case. What a wonderful God we serve!

Starting back up!

A few of my friends have started blogging. I love reading their stories, but what I love most of all is the record they're keeping. I hope their children enjoy reading momma's stories when they're older! I've been keeping a paper journal for my kiddos, but haven't been very good at it... maybe an online journal will be an easier way to share stories with my kiddos later in life. And let's be honest... my memory gets a bit worse each year, especially the bigger my family becomes. It'll be nice to have something to remind me of all the joys and events that come along! Here goes!!